Continuing Right Along From My Last Post
I think I finished yesterday’s post with a remarkable insight: Our lives are not at all similar with our fellow travelers. Did anyone else catch that? Perhaps it is only remarkable to me because it is a huge part of my life.
Aida, the love of my life, lived a completely foreign life compared to mine. I will not mention any of her past, but it was substantially more traumatic than my own. Still, the fates brought us together for many years. I loved and learned a lot, along with raising a family and charting a path in business and to a successful retirement (and career as a writer).
Her life held many more challenges than mine, I think. I add the disclaimer as I do not remember much of my childhood. My brain (or soul) built a barrier between then and my middle school years. Whenever I have endeavored to remember, the roadblock says the bridge is out, turn around, and go back from where you came.
She remembers every event and detail from her youth. I have heard everything several times. When I consider how difficult life was for her, I cannot help but wonder if my past could have been worse. It hardly seems likely, but since my past is blocked, I have no way of knowing. This blockage has been with me so long, I rarely think about it or wonder what is behind that locked door. My brain says, “Yeah, don’t even try, okay?”
Honestly, I do not believe my childhood could not have been as tough as hers. I believe my family life was just so difficult that my mind decided to protect me from those memories. Her mind would not do that. She realized that she had to be the one to protect herself. She kept those memories as armor against anyone else who tried to hurt her. If you have not guessed yet, she is a much stronger person than I.
That strength is a big part of my attraction to her. Frankly, I feel weak compared to her, but I endeavor to be strong for both of us. All of us need someone to rely on when we feel weak. I know she has been that strength for me, and I hope I have returned the favor.
Life is an amazing adventure. There is no doubt about that. She has been part of my life for thirty-eight years. Things may be a bit different now, but we all need to deal with life’s ups and downs. Change is inevitable. When we take the chance to really know and understand someone else, our view of existence and our own lives changes forever, for the good.
That is why I know we all live very different lives. Those differences make us stronger together. That is why we must cling to those who matter the most, no matter how life has treated them or us in the past.
Hi, Karl. The infinite variety in God’s creation blows me away when I stop to think of it. Each person is unique and each life is different from anyone else’s. Billions of people, each different from all the others. Thanks for pointing that out and stopping me in my tracks. I have also blocked out much of my childhood, which means your Aida is stronger than me, too. You’re so right. We must cling to those who matter the most, though thick and thin. We support, affirm, uplift, care for, and lean on each other. We become stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Blessings,
Patty
Patty, I might steal your words for my own. Your statement about clinging to those who matter is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
I borrowed that statement from a very wise man. (pointing at you, Karl)
I, too, have gaps in my memory – everything from the mundane to important moments seem lost. I tend to say that my brain’s filing cabinet misplaced those memories in the wrong folders so I cannot find them now. I love how freely you share your adoration of your wife, Karl!
Yvette M Calleiro 🙂
http://yvettemcalleiro.blogspot.com
Yvette, what I found most interesting is how she recalls every detail. I’m not certain I could do that about yesterday, no less 50 or 60 years ago. Love is the only important thing any of us have. We should never give up on that. At least, that is my view.
Karl, it seems to me that you may be right about blocking early memories because of trauma that occurred then. Perhaps it is best that those times stay hidden. You and Aida sound like a wonderful pair and true soulmates. With that, you are so lucky, and that surely helps to make up for sadness of the past.
Thank you, Maura. I have never had the desire to know what is behind that wall. My mind put it there for a reason. That’s good enough for me.
I’ve also wondered if my mind is protecting me by blocking my memories from early childhood. My mother told me she’d dislocated my arm when I was small because she yanked on it. According to her, it was my fault since I was stubborn. My first memories are of second grade. I’d assumed I had a bad memory but maybe it was a selective memory.
Susanne, we like to think we control what happens in our minds, but sometimes, the subconscious takes over and says, “Let’s just forget about that stuff. There’s more to life than this.” I have certain memories of my youth, but large parts are just hidden, maybe forever. That’s life.
Hi, Karl,
You can be glad that you have your wife. She saw the tough side of life and that has made her the woman that she is. In my life, I had to face the same things and I realized that I had to overcome and stand firm. I couldn’t close my eyes and pretend that it didn’t exist.
I enjoyed this article.
Shalom aleichem
Thank you, Pat. She is an amazing lady. I treasure every moment we have together. When people go through Hell, they become much stronger.
Yes, your body has a way of coping with trauma. I have had some lapses in my memory. Sometimes you can recover your memory thru triggers. Other times not at all. Both scenarios happened to me. I’m still wrestling with the one I couldn’t retrieve.
Shirley, life and our memories can be cruel to us. Thankfully, my memory lapses were just in my early childhood. The future remains to be seen. I hope you are well and healed completely by the Grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ.